habit forming

I really am quite out of practice. This could be a bit lumpy for a while, but I'm sure the old spark (ha!) will come back if I can turn blogging back into a habit.

So, I hear no-one ask but myself, what has brought me back to the blog? Thanks for asking, I shall try to explain. For reasons I may elucidate in later posts, I have had a couple of rough years. By which I mean three rough years. Don't get me wrong, Sal and the kids have had it rough too, but this is my blog so it's all-about-me-dot-com.

During the roughness I've seen a psychologist a handful of times. That has been positive but I've not really done anything about myself.

What is there to work with (or on)? Persistent depressive disorder (PDD), imposter syndrome, anxiety; an all too normal pick and mix of modern maladies best summed up as - diagnosed as being a medically categorised miserable bastard a lot of the time.

Anyway, plenty of positive words and a load of Ted talks have come and gone with little changing. I'm up and down and I revert time and again, to a place of familiarity. It is a fairly shitty place of catasrophising and self-pity, but it is my familiar shitty place and I can deal with that, right? Well, maybe, but everyone around me shouldn't have to. And miserable pricks get sick more and die younger.

But a funny thing happened recently. My boss got fired. It's not a story I feel like retelling because I have incredibly mixed feelings about it and carry some guilt for both the way the whole thing came about and how it was handled. I digress, I may come back to this story at a later date.

So anyway, having helped knife my boss in the back I took (some of) his job.

So I once again find myself in a leadership role, after a number of years toiling miserably at the coal face. And because of the way things have played out at work the company has embarked upon a push to energise the whole workforce. To this end, the workplace psychologist 13 of us saw before my old boss was lefted - is overseeing the Potentialife program a number of us (28 I think) are on. And this program touches on psychology - touches on it pretty hard - and science and a ton of things that appeal to me.

So I find myself - surprisingly - feeling somewhat more energised than I have for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I am a bloody long way from turning cartwheels, but it feels as if I have - at last - started to work on myself. On the company dollar too (haha.)

I bought another Moleskin notebook.

I'm taking notes of stuff.

And on this scant evidence it seems I blog.

Tomorrow should be easy; my Sydney Half Marathon will have been run, and I can drone on about running for hours.

So it is an early night for me. Just need to clean my teeth and put a tick in the box I drew next to the word 'blog' I wrote on today's page of my new notebook.