first vents of the year

Thanks to the good people a Omega watches for saving me a small shit-load of cash. I have covetted the Omega Seamaster for some time. It is a nice, classy, chunky divers watch. And James Bond wore one. OK, the range has more models than Airfix, but in amongst that range is the one Bond wore. And that is the one I was going to own before I die. Was going to. As in was going to but won't. They've ruined it for me. They have brought out a model with a face sporting the Bond movie opening-credits gun-barrel. And, ye-Gods, it has '007' on the second hand. Tacky bunch of arse. As if Bond would wear that! Can you imagine him down the casino, passing himself off as a minted industrialist, sitting opposite his meglamaniacal nemesis in it? Dead fucking giveaway. Might as well have '007 - spy. Please shoot me' tattooed on his forehead. Omega should have stuck with mole-faced models and never-won-a-thing tennis players as their hook. I need to find another man-watch to covet. Or move to Romford.

What do these things have in common? Paris Hilton is in Sydney. Paris Hilton goes shopping in Sydney. Paris Hilton goes to a cafe in Sydney. Paris Hilton leaves sydney. I'll give you a clue. No, bollocks, I'll tell you. None of those things are newsworthy. Just how little needs to be going on in the world for those gems to make the news? For fucks sake people, why does anyone care what Paris Hilton does? News flash guys; you are not ging to shag her. Besides, looks-wise, I think you can do better. Go clubbing in Croydon, buy a lass a couple of Bacardi Breezers and when she asks you what time it is you flash her your James Bond novelty watch. Bingo. And girls, do yourself a favour; get another role model.