cheese slices

Just saw an advert for cheese slices that are - wait for it - cut straight from the block. For fucks sake people, have we become too lazy to cut a slice of cheese from a block of cheese?

X6. Why?

Great work from the guys at BMW. They have delivered a car that, even more than the Audi Q7, marks you out as an utter tool.

The world’s first Sports Activity Coupe!
More power!
More size!

But, with the back doors welded shut, offering none of the practicality of other large 4WD vehicles. Those genius designers at BMW have managed to squeeze less cargo carrying capacity and fewer seats into the larger X6 than you get in their smaller X5. Brilliant! I guess they needed the extra space for the second turbo charger. Essential in Double Bay. Or Chelsea.

Apparently BMW "will create a brand new 4WD segment that appeals to performance-car enthusiasts." A new segment eh? So we can expect more of these things? I remember the good old days when a performance car enthusiast would buy a performance car. Now there is the option of an automatic, diesel tank.

The opening paragraph of the brochure apparently claims the X6 “represents the fusion of athletic coupe charisma with the authority and versatility of a Sports Activity Vehicle – a stylish refusal to compromise. And fuck the environment”. OK, I added the last bit.

don't buy one

Do you have a burning desire to travel on two wheels? Do you want the freedom of a bike? Are you too scared to get a motorbike? Are you too much of a pussy to get a scooter? Are you an unfit and-or lazy bastard who does not care about the world's dwindling oil reserves? Then try one of these, a bicycle motor. Brilliant! Just like a real bike, only unimpeded by health and environmental benefits. Genius!

Don't buy one.

And for the record, I do see the irony of this free advert for a product I wish bought by no one.

after the rain

Wow. England win two-nil. Shopping centre ceilings coming down, flash floods, people being swept away as rivers burst their banks, rain actually falling in catchment areas so dams get topped up (about time too) and an England win. An England series win. Three wins over the Aussies on the trot. First home-soil defeat of the Aussies in a limited-overs series for 14years. And they are one-day World number one by quite a way. BRING ON THE WORLD CUP! I am sure the British press will be full of inflated expectation until the World Cup starts, but what the hell, get in there! Good work Freddie. Stand up and be counted Colingwood! Kep on nattering Nixon! Monty can field! And that Dalrymple catch. My god. England were, at last, fielding like a bastard.

I like rain. As I sat ouside of the office this morning, finishing a chapter of my book (Almost Like a Whale, an update of Darwin's On the Origin of Species. From which I have learnt hyena give birth through an appendage like a penis and it is rather painful) it was blowing a gale and raining and I realised that I miss the rain. I miss dark mornings and puddles that last all day, I miss slushy leaves and damp. When it rains in Sydney it can really rain. Heavens-open-build-an-ark rain. Then the sun comes out and ten minutes later it's like it never happened. I don't know what I prefer. I suspect I am strggling with my endless summer, coming to Aus at the end of the northern summer and the start of the southern has messed with my bio rhythms. Or something.

While I do like rain I don't like golf umbrellas. There is very little about golf that I do like. Why does the game need tidied-up nature? Dig eighteen holes in the great outdoors and have a bash. That way you can play in fileds, beaches, deserts, glaciers, forests - anywhere you like. Don't fence off and manicure vast tracts of land that everyone should be able to enjoy. Not only and exclusively (so much today is exclusive) by volvo driving tossers from Berkshire. Put up signs to warn people that balls may be encountered but don't ruin, and ban non-members, from the countryside. I digress; my gripe du jour is golf umbrellas, or rather their use in built up areas. City centres have limited pavement real estate and we need to learn to share and share alike. So stop taking up an area the size of a small family car with your corporate-sponsored I'm-better-than-you-I'm-a-selfish-wanker umbrella. How about this; if your umbrella can shelter four people you can use it as long as huddled under it with you are three of your chums from the golf club?

Ahem. The weekend came and went quietly. I had the shits (emotional, personal, bad mood shits, not physical shits) again all day Sunday. Don't really know why - hormonal maybe. Day startd well enough; I had to check some work stuff and then I got Sal breakfast in bed and then it all went Pete Tong and I grumped till mid afternoon. Sal spent her time far more productively and did a load of gardening. Expect carrots, cabbage, parsnip and other stuff...sometime. Saturday I spent in a state of semi-knackerdness that was the obvious outcome of spending all night Friday, on and off, connected to work babysitting some geek stuff.

More about Sunday and more on rain. Rumpole does not care at all about rain and puddles and thunder and storminess. We took him for a walk, he got soaked and loved it. And today, at lunchtme, I did a run over the Bridge and back and I pissed down on me. Now I'm off home to see if the house has slipped down the block into the back garden, or if my water routing efforts will have prevented a stream forming under it. Who'd have thought I'd be as excited about a bit of rain. Cor blimey.

Hmm. Roads running like rivers and a small stream under the house. Bugger.

just not cricket

I cycled to work today, having missed a couple of days due to brain stuff. On that subject, if I was in charge of reception at an MRI scanning facility, I'd have "if I only had a brain" piped over the stereo. Beware of crappy bontempi music behind that link. Anyway, I had the feeling that I looked far more the part today with my new backpack and in my new shoes. Those shoes, incidentally, took me on what was going to be a gentle lap of the park on Sunday that turned out to be my second best time. They are about half a size too small for running in, but at a push I'll do 30mins, especially if it pisses down with rain and I'll be trudging through the sort of mud that demands off roaders. Anyway, as I was fairly certain that England would get a draw from the second Ashes test, I chose to wear my England football shirt. The one I wore when last in a foreign land where and while England's sportsmen were being put to the test.

So as I leave my desk for my lunch break, via a building evacuation drill (19th floor not so great for that), I see England are 88-5. Bollocks. More bollocks after lunch when we reach a we-are-almost-certainly-going-to-lose 120-9. Warne starting to fire or the oh-so-English batting collapse? Don't know, I just have the numbers. Bollocks. However, the heart is looking forward to an heroic last wicket stand and then, should we bowl again, some magnificant attacking bowling. The sort you get from, say, Austrlia. Well that's it for the last wicket stand. D'oh!

I stayed in to watch the test end and then headed out for a run while Ket did the girls hair. I felt good and not wanting to miss the opportunity to get a few miles in I did 65 minutes and then some stretching. Noticed that all the large bats or friut bats or flying foxes or whatever they are fly in pretty much the same direction, west to east over Queens Park. There are also smaller bats that zap around and head back into the trees as the bigger ones pass overhead.

The other thing is a bah-humbug whine. Over the top Christmas lights. Just stop it. They are not funny or cool or clever or anything other than a waste of electricity, unless you are using that power to let me know beyond a shadow of a doubvt that you are a twat. Bah humbug.

the Kings and eye

I do love a good pun. And I love a bad pun even more. So before I forget, and before I head off to bed...Sal and I went to see the Sydney Kings play basketball tonight. And today I have had a bit of hassle with my eye - nothing serious, just light sensitivity in my pupil-the-size-of-a-dinner-plate. Sydney Kings, my right eye...The Kings and Eye...geddit? Well it amused me. More about today to follow tomorrow.

Retractable dog leads. These need to be banned. The idea of a lead is that your dog is close and under control. It is not so you can thread cheesewire-thin rope across the entire width of a path, or so your dog can walk around a corner and piss against the tyres of a bike 30ft away from you, the oblivious owner.

OK, the day in some sort of order. I wanted to get my long run for the week done and so, when I woke up at a late-for-me 08:30 and the girls were both asleep I thought about it, considered doing a shorter run (eye - sigh) and headed out. The run felt good and I did two laps, one clockwise and the other counter, of the park out by the fence - sort of trail/cross country - and then one loop on the road. One hour and 33mins. Legs and general cardio performance pleased me. Although I had sunglasses on the running under trees, then out in the sun, then under trees transition was a little more challenging than I would have liked but it needed more concentration, not a dog and a stick, so that was all good. Next week will be 100mins.

Got home and showered and then prepared to go out for breakfast and to go buy appliances, specifically a fridge and microwave, for the new house. JCJ called as we were about to leave and I freaked him out with health news but he knows one of the worlds top opthamologists so is now in the loop. He has also had a couple of retinal tears. Ouch. Anyway, he was off to The Botanical Gardens to see the worlds largest, stinkiest flower, the Titan Arum and asked I wanted to go along. I declined due to shopping commitments, but more on the fower later.

Breakfast was at a place in Dover Heights that I cannot recall the name of, but was nice and is opposite Copper Park, an oasis of kind of rainforest looking vegetation. It is a sort of gulley with a stream, small waterfalls (amazed there is any water at all) and it is very peaceful and very nice - you have to try hard to hear car noise, and this is only a couple of km from the City. A good hidden spot revealed to us by Mara. Munch and a stroll complete it was fridge o clock and we headed for the Good Guys in Alexandria. All quite dull, but we did manage to spend $500 on a metal door that OK, I admit it, looks nicer thana white door and will look swish in our new kitchen. More swish than $500 would look still in our bank account? Dunno, but Sally is happy, so I am happy and that is all good.

Before the basketball we wanted a bite to eat so headed to a Chinese restaurant in China Town that Sally recognised as one her brother rated but we were disapointed. Ah well. We had a coffee at Starbucks to make up for it and I had a slice of Dutch carrot cake. No idea why it is Dutch but it was tasty. Then it was over to the Entertainment Centre where we saw Dan's team, the Tall Timbers take on and unfortunalty lose to the Red Devils. It was the warm up match and it was two 15 minute halves and I cannot recal the score. The game was good though, and I was impressed. Janice, Dan's squeeze is about 5'3" and is bloody good too.

The main event was mighty impressive too. For much of the match we were chatting to work Nadia, one of Dan's current and Sal and my old colleagues from St. George Bank. But as the game went on it grabbed more and more of my attention and at the end I was gripped. Damn right too, as it finished 82-82 and went into a 5minute extra time that saw the Sydney Kings run out winners. Unlike football, where you are always on edge as one score can win or lose it, basketball (well, the oen match I've now seen) is more of a building to a crescendo and the end is mental when it can go either way. In fairness, last night would have been easier for the kings had Shane Heal, a Kings old boy out of retirement to play for the Dragons, not scored 30 of their points. He was bloddy fantastic. The game ended 92-88 and I was part of the biggest crowd of the season, or so it says here.

Cheerleaders. Now don't get me wrong, I like looking at fit lasses jumping around as much as the next man, but I do not see what they add to a sporting event. I don't know anyone that has any real regard for cheerleaders. Blokes are there for the sport and the kids prefer the mascot with his t-shirt slingshot and the women don't seem to really respct the craft. Dunno, maybe you need to be an American to understand it.

The night ended with us having coffee with Mike and family and Warwick and family, more St George dudes. We caught up and all was good. Not a bad day.

uninvention

Not sure that uninvention is or should be a word but today has been slow so I am going to put it out there. It's not up there with the train-crash of a word dramastic that was used in a meeting yesterday. Respect to the creator of that one. But I am creating the blog label uninvent and it will be used for things that I believe should not exist because they are crap.

1. Electric toothbrushes. Fossil fuels burnt to clean your teeth. Stop it.
2. Electric carving knife. Fossil fules burnt to hack up a roast. Stop it.
3. Electric airfreshners. Come off it. Burning fossil fuels - again - to put a puff of chemical scent into your house. Just open a fucking window. Or light a match. At least that way you are directly burning the fuel.

So that's a start. And yes, there is an easy to spot pattern emerging early.

Today has been quiet because

• most work days are quiet (cycled to work, found out that my bike pump does not fit my tyre valves, I ran at lunch, sunny, warm, harbour clear and so on. ZZzzzzz heard it all before.)
• I feel like I am getting a cold - throat a bit sore, been sneezing and feeling a groggy.
• the thing with my eye.

It is not that I am freaked out by it, rather that I could be. Best prognosis - eye drops and I'm all good, worst prognosis - blind. Not a lot I can do about that, I'm seeing the eye doc in the morning and that is it. Still, it could be why I've been a bit muted today. Damn you internet and your temting me to self-diagnose!

A couple of other things that spring to mind. The 40ft Christmas tree in Martin Place will actually be 20m, nearer 60ft. So I feel half as festive again as I thought I did! And Athletic Edge called me to let me know that they could not get me a pair of Asics Cumnulus until January. However, they will sell me the Nimbus, the next model up in the range, for the price of the Cumulus. Top notch service and I will, of course, tell anyone looking for running shoes in Sydney to go to those guys.