Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts

Sunday, November 09, 2008

jesus of Talladega

Talladega Nights is one funny, funny movie.

I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.
Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I want to thank you for this wonderful meal, my two beautiful sons, "Walker,Texas Ranger," and my Red-Hot Smokin' Wife, Carley
I like to picture Jesus as a figure skater. He wears like a white outfit, and He does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.
Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.
I had a dream where Jesus was a dirty old bum, and I was about to sock him in the face because, well he's a dirty old bum, but then I thought, there's something special about him...
Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces baby Jesus, new born, not even spoken a word yet.
I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagles wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!
Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Hooray for Hollywood

I have a theory. Hollywood loves a winning and formula. With the combination of the tragic death of Heath Ledger and The Dark Knight breaking all box office records they may have hit upon the latest winning formula. I foresee a spate of tragic deaths befalling actors in upcoming blockbusters. But who will they be?

To have your name in the frame you need to be a name but not full-A-list-Hollywood-royalty. Depp and Pitt are money in the bank. No point in icing one of them while they are still at the top of their game. It needs to be an actor who has some credibility. Sandler wouldn't be a good choice. He's never been big box office and let's face it, he's hardly likely to do better than The Wedding Singer or Happy Gilmore. I think he's safe. Jake Gyllenhaal would be a good choice, but that would introduce a Brokeback Mountain link that may suggest a serial killer or curse or some other nonsense. All very Hollywood though...

Doesn't have to be a guy. Rene Zellweger? Nah, no one wants to go see a Zellweger movie, even posthumous. Keanu Reeves in a freak hanggliding accident? Mattew McConaughey in tragic gardening incident?

I reckon it's a good theory.

The Dark Knight Sets New Box Office Record

The latest installment of the Batman series, The Dark Knight, broke all box office records in Australia when on the opening weekend everyone went to see it. The movie features a standout performance from Heath Ledger who will defineltey be awarded an oscar for his performance and oscars for all previous performances in all other movies he acted in. The acadamy is also hotly tipped to award him a couple of extra oscars for good measure.

Ahem...despite all the hype. Good movie, and Heath Ledger is quite terrifying as the Joker.