bump

Back to earth with a bump. The district nurse looked a little shocked at how much worse dad was from yesterday, which I guess is good as it makes more compelling the case for getting him a place where he can get the support he needs. I had to clean him up a bit this morning and had to help him take a piss; he didn't make it to the loo and I had to hold a bucket for him while he pissed in it. Not especially dignified. Empty bucket, disinfect, wash pants. When the nurse left he dry wretched - nothing in his stomach to throw up - and there was a little blood in it; more ammo if any more needed. The way things look today we might not be looking at a nursing home but rather a hospice. I just called a friend of his and as soon as I said my name she said "on no." We're all waiting for the phone call now. Fuck it.

But he's still got his wits about him and he still knows what he likes and what he doesn't. Sal made him a rice pudding yesterday that I cooked and between us we got it wrong. I blame Sals mixing of the ingredients while knowing it was my overcooking that fucked it. Anyway, he had me throw it away and then struggled like fuck to get out of bed, inch his way down stairs so that, clinging for dear life to the benchtops, he could supervise while I made a better job of it. While downstairs he swigged some milk and had a couple of bits of pineapple; the only food he has had today (so far, rice pudding to come.) Then it was straight back upstairs and to sleep.

And I went out for Fish and Chips.