Olympic gold

Topical Pub Conversations. Olympic sports that should be banned and those that should be included, even if they need to be invented.

Events that should be banned.

• All things equestrian. Come on, they're all rubbish.
  
• The walk. Even though the athletes in the 50km event walk the marathon distance more quickly than most people run it - myself included - the Olympics should not contain events where the goal is to not do something. Move as quickly as you can but don't run. Rubbish! Run!
• Gymnastics, diving, synchronised swiming and any event that cannot be won without a judge.
• Football and tennis - no one takes them seriously in the Games.
• Softball. In fact softball should be banned full stop, along with netball. Both are better sports - baseball and basketball - made crap.

Events that should be included and invented if necessary

• Parkour. There are certain checkpoints that must be hit but you can get there however you like. I'd put a checkpoint on top of that birds nest stadium
• No limits high diving. Higher and higher, probably into the ocean, until there is only one person left. No points for style, all for balls and the drop.
• Late chute release freefall. Gold goes to the person who pulls their chute closest to the ground.
• Speed-decathlon. All the events as quickly as possible. So you complete all possible jumps and throws and distances but the winner is who does them all the quickest.
• Ultra-extreme-marathon. Just keep running, last man standing wins. Same for swimming.
• Pure golf. Just dig 18 random holes. No fairways and greens. In fact ban all other forms of golf.