this morning's reverie

Thought of the day, as I sat on the bus to work, enjoying the relative peace of the near empty carriage. JCJ is one of my oldest friends. Not one of the friends I have had for the longest time, but at fourteen years my senior (I think) one of the oldest. He is (you are) also one of my best friends, so I hope he (you) does (do) not mind being used as an example and if he (you) does (do) it is kinda too late now.

So, at fourteen years my senior he will hit eighty as I reach clickety-click and therefore, statistically, he is likely to go mad (senile) before I do. I mean, look at the picture...But that said, I reckon the stats are wrong and I will lose the plot way before him. I'm close already. And here is the rub. How will I know? Will I know?

My maternal grandfather fell off a truck, swallowed his tongue, went blue and my patenal father (!) brought him back with a bang on the back. Back with fewer marbles than before, but he didn't seem to know. I remember him getting frustrated - rarely - but mostly he was just a bit bonkers; talking to photographs and wondering how those little people got into the TV sort of mad. When he eventually went into an old folks home he "escaped" and was found a couple of streets away. Gardening. He was making a good job of it, by all accounts. He occupied a state of mind that was tougher to watch than to live. For years he knew I was "the fisherman" but he seemed to have no idea I was related to him.

What if I'm already mad? I could be...I don't want to get too Matrix or Life on Mars, but really...will I know when my current reality fades away and I get a new one? Will there be a period that is like switching channels on the TV, hopping between one and another state of mind until the batteries in my remote expire and I end up "there"? I'll probably not know, but I'll probably not care. So no need to feel sorry for me, I'll be in my happy place.

For the record, and I kid you not, as I re-read the above paragraph I needed to change the part where I'd written "the remotes in my battery."

OK, I'm there already.