Monday, November 06, 2006

School of Rock IS a terrible movie

I have not been able to work out why so many people think that School of Rock is a good movie. Against my better judgement - and it really is better - I watched it last night for the second time. I was beginning to suspect that I must have been having a bad day when I first watched and utterly hated it. It started with a couple of gently amusing bits, nothing that would encourage me to part with cash, and quickly descended into utter shite. So it amazes me how some folks on Rotten Tomatoes, for example, say things like this.

It's bust-a-gut funny without resorting to gross-out humour; it's sentimental without being syrupy; and it's charming without being manipulative. Most importantly, it actually rocks.

All wrong. It's shit. And then there is this:

An inspired, invogarating comedy that will have you laughing from its opening moments to its closing credits.

Wrong again. I was giving it a chance at its opening moments and was cleaning my teeth by the closing credits, thoroughly hacked off that I had wasted a couple of hours of my life. Actually not a complete waste because I felt good that I was right all along; it really is shit.

More bollocks here:

Whether you love School of Rock fully depends on whether you like Jack Black’s unique persona.

I do like Jack Black. I still cannot fucking stand School of Rock though. Yahoo! display a range of reviews in which 14critics come up with B+ and 49030 users a B. I'm never going to read the Boston Globe (A-):

"...utterly adorable..."

or the Chicago Tribune (A-):

"It makes you laugh, smile and tap your toes over a brisk 88 minutes, and when it's finished, you're ready to hit repeat."

When I calm down some I will explain what is SO wrong with it. No bollocks, I'll do it now. It is self-obsessed bollocks about a sad sack who is supposed to be a fucking every-day hero-rebel-twat on some sort of voyage of discovery. It is all about Jack; no other character gets a chance, not even any of the kids who should be central to the story. Black just hogs the whole thing, is a fucking embarrasment to rock fans, rock misic, himself and all of mankind, and effectively stops the movie from either being all out comedy for grownups or a Disneyesque kids tale. It is just shit, and yes, I do relaise that this is not a particularly well thought out or written review, but I don't care. Even as Black's breakthrough movie or as a vehicle for him it is still bollocks.

Ahem. It takes over from Lawnmower Man as the movie I am most angry at myself for sitting through. At least I only suffered that sack of shite once.

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