Chinese Democracy

I listened to the new Guns n' Roses album at work today...

OK, 1,2 and 3 kind of washed over me inoffensively enough

But Track 4, Street of Dreams is a fucking abomination. Fucking Dawson’s Creek end-of-series montage bollocks of the highest order.

Although, now I’ve said that, I am grinning at the utter awfulness of it…fuck me! A guitar solo is going toe-to-toe with Axls whiny voice for shittest bit of the song…

This is just fucking dreadful, I LOVE IT!

BIG FINISH, BIG FINISH!

**



I damn near spat a mouthful of water over my screen.

Holy shit, track 5 start with a fucking sitar…it would not be out of place on a Beyonce album, other than that fucking vocal…

I cannot believe this is the “same band” that produced Paradise City, Nightrain and Mr Brownstone.

Although…this track is developing into something rather inoffensive. How sad.

I refuse to skip tracks, but track six makes me want to be deaf. Can’t he start a song properly? And look, a guitar has strings, OK? Those are the ONLY STRINGS you need on a rock album. I will allow – endure – one token orchestral nonsense track. VIOLINS HAVE NO PLACE ON A G’nR ALBUM.

**

Oh dear god, strum an acoustic guitar…add wailing guitar solo…add strings…add soft-focus vocal…bring in some drums…some wailing big-finish lyric….you just know he has the mike stand in his right hand, the mike in his left, he is bent at the waist screaming at the floor…guitar solo…shoulders now hunched, arms straight down by sides…and STOP IT WITH THE FUCKING STRINGS!

Apparently this is track about 6:30 long…I was clean shaven when it started…oh fuck off, it ends with a choral voice…

**


Track seven has not started well…


The Catcher in the Rye.


What a name for a song.
Coincidentally I am reading that book at the moment.
It is shit.

**

Is this track 6 or 7? Ah, there we go, Catcher in the Rye, track 7.

Thank fuck.

Throat constricting, pulse racing, room spinning…


Dear Sally,

If I don’t make it through this I want you to know how much I love you…


**

Dear Axl,

The Ministry track Jesus Built my Hotrod is industrial. Sampling a pub space invaders machine is not.

Its industrial. No it’s a rock song…
Guitar solo!
Oh dear, he’s singing again.
Guitar solo!
And it’s over.


Oh my god, track 8 is a karaoke homage to Pink Floyd …”what were you thinking” Great lyric Mr Rose. What were you thinking? Nice Spanish guitar though, wasn’t expecting that; I mean, why would you? “Truth is the truth hurts don’t you agree?” Wise words Axl.

I need to go out and get some fresh air.