Australia to the rescue

I know how we can save the world. Many of the woes of the world stem from climate change, energy security and the accompanying threat to people's ways of life. So, we need to halt climate change and make sure everyone has energy security and a far reduced perception of threat to their way of life. Should be easy.

Burning fossil fuels is bad for the planet and we need to stop it. In part this is difficult - cars, for instance - and in part it is easy - anything you can plug in needs electricity and not a combustion engine. We know nuclear technology can provide huge amounts of energy with near zero carbon emissions. Unfortunately we are all scared that nuclear waste or war will kill us. It won't, but the fear is enough to stop us in our tracks. Unless we're French, in which case nuclear power is OK and produces the vast majority of their power. I have no recollection of a French Nuclear Winter or war.

This is where Australia can be so useful. Australia as a sovereign state should cease to exist. Instead, Australia becomes a power station. It is run by and for all other countries. It has everything going for it. There is enough oil, coal and steel and supporting infrastructure to allow us to build a load of nuclear power stations right now. Dig a hole and you'll find uranium. Australia can produce all the energy for the planet.

But what do we do with the waste? I hear you cry. Do you have any idea just how big Australia is? There is plenty of space for us to stockpile the waste. So much that if we want to plan for a non-nuclear future we will get nowhere near exhausting that space by the time a truly viable alternative is brought on line. As a stop gap we, while we build the nuclear stations, we produce traditional energy here in Australia. We can sequester the CO2. Let's face it, there is a far larger headache involved in carbon sequestration than nuclear waste storage, simply because of the sheer volume of CO2 involved. Again, do you have any idea just how big - and sparsely populated - Australia is? And, as a real bonus, it is well away from the major population centres of the planet.

But then Australia can hold the world to ransom! I hear you gasp. Not at all. AusEnergy is run by every other country. If any one country steps out of line the others simply switch the offenders power off. That should prove sufficient incentive for everyone to play ball. And besides, as nuclear energy is clean and plentiful we can make it free. That removes the incentive to fuck about. No more costly Iraq invasions, just a far cheaper maintenance bill. (I reckon fewer people will die as a result of a nuclear powered economy than as a result of a fossil fuel war.)

But what about the Australians? Well there are only 21million Australians. Of those only a tiny fraction can trace their ancestry back more than 200 years. And let’s face it, for 150 of those 200 years Australia was a fairly brutal place. The real human impact, on a global scale, is negligible. No one would be forced to leave AusEnergy, but those that want to leave are given free passage to a country of their choice where they are rehoused at an equivalent lifestyle to the one they decided to leave behind. Of course if you want to stay you can stay. I'd stay.

So there you go, electricity generation – sorted. Now for the cars.

Don't save Ford, GM and Chrysler. They produce the oldest and most polluting cars. Let them go bust. We reduce carbon dioxide emissions from cars. People will still buy cars, but they will buy far more efficient Japanese or European cars. Yes, they will be carbon emitting for a couple of generations to come. However, as battery technology improves and our nuclear powered electricity becomes so cheap, we will be able to develop electric cars that are every bit as good as today's gas guzzlers.

To keep the hippies happy we can cover acres of AusEnergy with windmills and solar panels. These won't produce anywhere near as much energy as our nuclear power stations, and after a few safe decades the hippies may stop whining as they realise nuclear energy is, in fact, incredibly, comparatively green. What will probably happen is the hippes will find a new cause celebre. C'est la vie.

OK, energy policy done. What next?